Col. Belmont's Old Fashioned Horse Glue

(lol)

Life's a little simpler 'round here in the country. We move at our own pace. A little slower, and a little old-fashioned. Sometimes, that's the best way to get things done. Hi, I'm Langford T. Belmont. You know, they say that people don't care about quality and tradition nowadays. Well, maybe I'm old fashioned, but around here we do things the way they ought to be done. That's why we make our glue the old fashioned way. Out of horses. Colonel Belmont's Old Fashioned Horse Glue. Made the old fashioned way -- out of 100% dead horse. In 1908 my great-grandfather, Nathaniel Belmont, had one simple notion: cut the hooves off of horses like ol' Chestnut here & make glue out of them. His idea soon became the world's finest all-natural adhesive.

• How does this batch look, Mr. B?
• Needs more horse, Carl.
• Yessir! [grabs an axe and takes off]

Did you know that it takes four fully-grown horses to make just one bottle of our glue? And that we use only the choicest hooves? Plus some bone, hair, internal organs... whatever gets caught in the machine. Everything else we just throw away to rot. That's our promise of quality. So when it comes time to fix that refrigerator magnet or put together a little house of popsicle sticks, you don't want some cheap synthetic glue. You want pure mutilated horse paste.

• Horse comin' through!
• Ha ha ha ha...

Colonel Belmont's Old Fashioned Horse Glue. Made the old fashioned way. Out of horses.

Will Ferrell, SNL